He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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