This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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