and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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