Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just cropdusted the office
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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