I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
