census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
