Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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