I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
