dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
