i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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