Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize