We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
