she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize