That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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