Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
