There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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