Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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