By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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