If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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