I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Randomize
