the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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