Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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