Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
