i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
