and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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