i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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