You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
