oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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