Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
