Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
