If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.