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• (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (626): View more from California

  i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?

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• (516): View more from New York

  Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.

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