i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.