Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
