I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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