Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
