dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
