my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I skipped work to stalk him.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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