I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
