separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
