You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
