you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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