She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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