I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize