don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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