so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
