Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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