Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
