well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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