I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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