what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
