Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
