So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
