Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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