Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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