Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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