I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
