I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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