Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
