Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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