I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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