Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
