oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
