The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
