1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
