I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.