so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
that is very illegal...i love you.
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