I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
