Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
