this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
