Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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