You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
