he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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