Do you still have your period?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
