Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
