I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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